Open RP post!

[hominidae]

? Pick one of my characters (see below) OR drop any character of yours in and get a random choice.
? Use RNG and enter 1-14 for a scene; roll again for specifics.
? Or cheat and just pick something.
? You can also just throw a picture, quote, or whatever kind of prompt you want.
? OPTIONAL: combine a bunch of memes and scenarios and go nuts.
? NOT optional: HAVE ALL THE FUN OR ELSE.


MUSE LIST


I. BED INVADERS

A. Decide you know this person! (Cast mate, previous CR, etc.)

1. WAKE THEM UP. You don't care how friendly you are to the person in your bed; they need to get up.
2. PRANK! Oh, this has just got to stop. They need to be punished. But how?
3. CAN'T BEAT 'EM, JOIN 'EM. Push 'em over & snuggle up. You're too tired to deal with this craziness right now. Or sleep on your couch.
4. LET THEM SLEEP. Whatever. It's noon. They're asleep and you've got things to do. Regard them or disregard them.

B. Decide you have NO CLUE who is person is! (No CR, cast mates who have never met, cross-canon, etc.)

5. SCREAM 'OMGWTFBBQ GET UP!' Really. Default action going on here.
6. PRANK! What a better way for you to remember this moment of meeting than by painting a mustachio on your new 'friend's' face? (Remember, it's your bed. Be wise what you do.)
7. GENTLY AWAKEN THEM. Oh, the poor dears! They must be exhausted, but they can't stay here. Be nice, even if it isn't IC for your character. This is what you get for rolling. Shake them up quietly. Or re-roll.
8. GET TO KNOW THEM NON-BIBLICALLY. Well, they're asleep. But they left their wallet, important work, or identification out (no matter how OOC it may be)! Let's see who's REALLY sleeping in your bed. (Use your own judgment on what you find. AS a suggestion, have the most they find is the sleeper's name and maybe place of work.)
9. TIE 'EM UP. FUNCTIONAL typing up. Not kinky, no matter what the other party might think. Let them continue their blissful moment of rest. They'll answer questions later and you'll be safe and sound.

C. Decide - I do what I want

II. ROAD TRIP

1. BREAK DOWN. Oh snap. Your car decided to break down out in the middle of nowhere. WHAT DO? Is that Leather-face? Will this be "Children of the Corn"?
2. HITCHHIKERS? Is this even a good idea? Threads may also have a third participant. Go wild.
3. WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST HIT? Dude, I hear deer mess up cars... Or I think that was a deer...
4. DON'T MAKE ME TURN THIS CAR AROUND. Alas. You're the parent or disgruntled friend who has had it up to here with all the fighting in the back. This thread may also have a third or even fourth participant, if you can wing it.
5. OMG, I WANT TO TAKE A PICTURE OF THIS LANDMARK! No, no, and no. You tell that person that they're going to be driven around and they're going to like it.
6. THE GREAT ESCAPE. Either dinosaurs or the moth-man is chasing you. Don't stop now.
7. MAKE OUT. For whatever reason, the person you're traveling with in the car. You would love to make out with them and then some.

III. CUDDLES

1. SWEET DREAMS. It's been a long day and all you want to do is sleep or just rest your eyes for a bit. Hopefully whoever is close by doesn't mind if you use them as a blanket.
2. STORMY WEATHER. The heavy rain, thunder, and lightning won't be letting up anytime soon. Luckily, it's the perfect weather to stay indoors and snuggle up close and keep warm.
3. SLOW DANCE. It's the end of a party, or maybe it's only the two of you, but the tempo is slow and the lights are low. Let your dance partner take the weight and just sway.
4. SURPRISE ATTACK. Time to invade someone's personal space. Are they working too much and need a distraction? Maybe you just wanted to brighten their day. Either way, they won't see it coming.
5. MOVIE NIGHT. It can be on the sofa or in a darkened theater, but you've got your popcorn and someone to settle against during your favorite movie.
6. I LOVE YOU, MAN. It's totally platonic, really. You're just very good friends, no matter what people like to think. But you just love your friend so much you want to hug them, whether they like it or not.
7. JEEPERS CREEPERS. Welp. You were just frightened. Was it a spider in the washroom, a ghost in the attic, a bad dream? Either way, you're looking for someone to cling to right now, and who better than that person right there?
8. HURT AND COMFORT. Whether you're sick in bed, just been dumped, or suffered a traumatic event, you need someone to wrap their arms around you and make everything go away.
9. SUNDAY MORNING. Maybe you just had a wild night. Maybe there's just not enough space at your place and you need to share your bed. Or maybe you just got really tired and someone else happened to be there. Doesn't matter because now the person with you looks way more comfortable than any blanket or pillow. Drape to your heart's content.
10. MOMENT AFTER. You just had incredible, vigorous sex and if you weren't a cuddler before, you are now. You're probably too exhausted to do anything else anyway. Just enjoy the moment.
11. PLAYER'S CHOICE. Pick one or make up your own!

IV. HURT/COMFORT

1. INJURY. You've been injured. Broken bones or bleeding out or maybe just a tiny little paper-cut. The choice is yours.
2. SICKNESS. You're sick and laid up in bed, at home or in a hospital. The severity is up to you.
3. FEAR/ANXIETY. Something is happening and you're scared beyond belief.
4. LOSS OF SENSES. Sight, touch, taste, hearing, smell, etc. You've lost some important sense or ability and now you're left to deal with it.
5. DESPAIR. Nothing is good or right anymore and you can't shake the depression. Maybe that friend of yours can help though.
6. MAKE UP. Fight or break up, it's time to make up.
7. RESCUED. You've just been held captive and/or tortured for however long and finally, someone has come to the rescue.
8. BAD ROMANCE. Fight, cheat on, abuse, whatever the case is, someone else can clearly see you need comfort from someone who isn't your terrible lover tonight.
9. LOSS. You've experienced a loss of some kind and need help getting through it.

V. FIGHT

1. FISTFIGHT. Straight-up, unfussy, no-holds-barred face punching. Clearly you're emotionally invested in this argument. Or maybe you want some stress relief.
2. BAR FIGHT. Someone's had one too many drinks. Curses are being slurred, bottles are being smashed. Just don't be surprised if you get thrown out.
3. VERBAL. A caustic, intellectual battle of wits? Or just immature playground insults? Either way, the fighting here isn't physical; sticks and stones can break your bones, but we'll see if words can hurt you...
4. WEAPONRY. Fencing practice or a real sword fight? Paintball or battlefield gunfight? The only limits are your imagination (and the extents of human military engineering, of course)!
5. SPARRING. Maybe you're a streetwise punk teaching the new kid on the block the ropes of self-defense. Or perhaps you just want to get some practice in before your karate exam.
6. SEXY. That collar-grabbing led to a kiss, that knee stayed in a place a little too long, those gazes got a little intense... There's heavy breathing here, but it might not be because you've been exerting yourself.
7. DUEL. You insulted the wrong person. Or got caught cheating at cards. A duel, sir, a duel! The glvoes are off (and slapping you) and it's pistols at dawn.
8. COMPETITIVE. Boxing, wrestling, martial arts, the possibilities are endless. Just remember: the first rule of Fight Club...
9. OTHER. Combine any of the above, or make up your own!

VI. BODY HORROR

1. WATER-DWELLING. You've grown gills, or your skin is turning translucent, or you're sprouting fins, or maybe you're outright turning into some form of sea life. It doesn't matter what you're turning into - what does matter is taht you're slowly losing the ability to breathe air, and there's no water in sight.
2. ANIMAL. Something bit you, and you're turning into an animal. Your bones lengthen or perhaps shrink, break, twist, and reform. Your teeth lengthen or shorten. And above all, you feel your instincts being overridden. Your senses sharpen; you notice smells you never did before. Your vision becomes more sensitive to movement. If you're a predator? Man, these people look mighty tasty. Prey? OH GOD. EVERYTHING IS TERRIFYING. Lizard? Enjoy your new inability to regulate body temperature. Bird? Have fun with the whole beak and hollowing bones. And don't get us started on insects and arachnids.
3. PARASITIC. Something's inside you, and it's changing you from within, chewing up your insides and altering your thoughts. You're not sure how much longer you're going to be you, and when the parasite's going to take over completely...
4. DEMONIC. You've been meddling with dark powers beyond the ken of mortal man, and it seems you've accidentally sold your soul. Will you be the traditional kind of demon, horns and hooves, or something far more terrifying and ineffable?
5. UNDEAD. No doubt about it, you're dying. But as you are, something's been altered in you. Maybe you're becoming a vampire - and not the fun kind either; we're talking ugly, ravenous, and mad. Maybe you're a zombie, or a ghoul, and human flesh looks mighty tasty. Or maybe you're just turning into a ghost bent on vengeance. In any case, death is never fun.
6. CYBERNETIC. Get captured by the Borg? Strapped to an operating table? Injected with nanites? Whatever happened to you, you're slowly turning into something half-human, half-machine, and your squishy bits are being replaced by mechanical components.
7. LOVECRAFTIAN. You've heard their song, the terrors from beyond the stars, and even no they sing in your blood as your flesh transmutes into something ineffable and unknowable. You revel in the pain. You feel even as you seek to spread it, to herald the end of all things... Or maybe worse. You're aware of the transition as your mind becomes not your own.
8. FUSION/HIVEMIND. You've begun to fuse with the first person who tagged you - physically, mental, or both. Soon, you can't tell who is who, which one of you is the real you, as your thoughts become one. Join in the flesh song, mortal.
9. INANIMATE. Your body slowly petrifies and hardens, tuning to stone, wood, glass, or something stranger still. Or perhaps you liquefy or maybe you dissolve into the air itself.
10. WILDCARD. Pick whatever you like, combine a few options, or make up your own.

VII. HIGH SCHOOL AU

1. CLASS TIME. Pick your class, pick your seat. Whether you're paying attention or goofing off, you're interacting constantly with someone else.
2. BREAK TIME. Those precious minutes that aren't lunch, usually half an hour if you're lucky. Are you hanging out on the grass, rushing to get homework finished, or bunking off school early?
3. LUNCH TIME. Food, glorious food! ... As long as you're not eating the school lunches. What sort of chaos will you get up to in the endless queue that is the lunch line?
4. FOOD FIGHT. The natural reaction to being served school lunches: throwing them as far away from you as possible. You're caught in the middle, or maybe you're instigating it. Who knows? No one can tell.
5. STUDY PERIOD. Yeah. "Studying." They mean catching up on gossip, right? Or watching that crappy TV in the common room? Or maybe you really want to study. I'm not judging.
6. SKIPPING SCHOOL. Did you even get to school before you bunked off somewhere? Or did you just take the bus five stops further and in to town? Hope you don't get caught, either way.
7. EXAM WEEK. You're going into an exam, or just cramming every last bit of knowledge into your head. Either way, good luck! You're going to need it.
8. DETENTION. What did you do? Or were you innocent and wrapped up in your friend's scheme, and now you both have detention? I do not envy you at any rate.
9. SUMMER HOLIDAY. SCHOOL'S OUT FOR SUMMER! Burn your books, burn your uniforms. Everything is over for another 6 weeks (or however long you get off).
10. FACULTY. Oh, hello miss/sir. No, we weren't talking about bunking. Yep, you're the teacher. IMPORTANT NOTE: If you get this option, you or your partner can do a second roll for the scenario.
11. TAKE YOUR PICK. Free for you. Whether you want to pick something from the list, or make up your own scenario, this option allows that. (Of course, you could just bypass the rolling entirely.)

VIII. APOCALYPSE HOW

1. LAST ACTION HERO. You tried your best to save the world, but despite the superpowers, the teamwork, and the sacrifice of many good friends, you couldn't quite pull it off. Now you're left with your guilt and a universe where half the people left are depending on you to help them, while the rest are trying to hunt you down for your failures. Good luck with that, hero.
2. SCIENCE SAVIOR. They said it was impossible, they said it was futile, but you know that if you just got a little bit of support you could fix all of the world's troubles. Maybe your experiments are a bit on the unethical side, but the survival of humanity is depending on you! You can't let the world down. Time to grab those test-tubes and get yourself a lab assistant that doesn't mind getting their hands dirty.
3. THE LAST PERSON ON EARTH. Well, it's finally happened. A virus or disease or genetic mutation has all but wiped out members of the opposite sex and humanity is doomed. But what's this? A lone survivor? As the savior of the species, they'll be glad to lend a hand (or reproductive organ) to help restore the population, right? Maybe a little bit of persuasion is in order.
4. SO LONELY. You haven't talked to another person in days and you're starved for conversation. So when you finally meet another lone traveler it makes total sense to stick together, right? Maybe share some food, some companionship, some ammo. . . . Better hope you both get along.
5. MUTATION STATION. The bomb dropped and some people weren't fortunate enough to go in the blast. Now those left behind have to deal with nuclear winter, a dwindling food supply, and some strange additions to the human gene code. Maybe these super-humans are friendly and misunderstood. Then again, maybe they just want to eat your brains.
6. LAST DANCE. The world is ending. You know it, everyone knows it, so the only thing left to do is party like it's 1999. Complete your bucket list, do the things you never got the chance to do before, and maybe screw up the courage to do the things you were too scared to even think about doing. Oh, and watch out for looters.
7. FREEBIE SCENARIO. Anything you can think of that isn't already mentioned can go here.

IX. PARANOIA

1. EROTOMANIA. That person loves you. They belong to you. They might deny it and be with someone else but they're ridiculous. You know better here.
2. DISTRUST. Simple as it sounds, you're being lied to. You can't prove it but you're not falling for their tricks anymore.
3. HALLUCINATIONS. A vague classic. Those sounds, those sights, your senses are screwed up and the world is upside down. There's plenty of senses to screw.
4. TAINTED. You're completely wrong. Is it in your family's blood? Is it parasites? A disease? Aliens? A sin? But it's consuming you, whatever it is.
5. CONSPIRACY. Why are they after you? Who knows. Maybe you know. But everyone is in on it and you're the only one left fighting against it.
6. CONTROL. Your actions aren't your own, even if others insist they are. Somehow, either drugs or magic or something, someone is making you their puppet.
7. FIXATION. Either it's in you or someone else or a thing but this imperfection is clawing at your mind. Just fix it. Fix it and you can rest.
8. FOLIE A DEUX. The more either you or the other person talks, the more you feed into this unease and the more real it sounds. What can you two alone do?
9. REPLACEMENTS. Is it just this person or is everyone being replaced with a fake? You're not a fake, though. You won't let them replace you.
10. REAL. Is any of this real? Maybe you're dreaming or drugged. Maybe you're dead. But you need to prove that this is really happening, whatever it takes.

X. Texts From Last Night

1. Pick a character or leave that up to me
2. Go here (or make something up, insert a tfln gif whatever)
3. Comment.
4. See where it takes us!

XI. RANDOM LOCATION

1. LOST. Oh shit, how did you even get here.
2. ON THE RUN. Getting away from someone or something that's after you.
3. TREASURE HUNTING. Something you desire is here. Maybe it's being guarded or you're competing for it.
4. TRAVELLING. You turned up here on purpose. Why is up to you.
5. ESCAPE. Things have gone wrong and you need to get out of this place.
6. DISASTER. Something awful has happened whether you're the cause, a witness or there to help.
7. INVASION. It's a siege! Are you defending or attacking?
8. HOME. It's actually where you live.
9. DUEL. The predetermined location to end a feud.
10. WHATEVER. Just make something up, whatever.

XII. STOP! SOMEONE IS NAKED IN YOUR...

1. BED. Waking up after a wild night or just getting ready for bed?
2. OFFICE. Getting a leg up at work? Caught in a moment of indiscretion?
3. YARD. Someone's been communing with nature...
4. CAR. The warmth of a heater during snowfall... or the air conditioner during a melting summer.
5. BEACH. Oh look, there's a floating swimsuit... and there's its owner.
6. RIVER. God, can't even fish without hooking the wrong species.
7. BATTLEFIELD. Oops, someone looted the wrong corpse... who isn't actually a corpse.
8. SCHOOL. All right, who's been raiding the locker room?
9. BATHROOM. . . . Oh, hey, who needs a shower, right?
10. PARK. Sun and grass and lots of people to . . . watch . . . oh my.
11. . . . CLOTHES?? Okay, technically they are clothed, but it's not their clothes dammit.
12. OTHER. Because there are way, way too many more places than I can think of)

XIII. INTIMACY

1. PHYSICAL INTIMACY. It might just be innocent touches or it might be foreplay.
2. LONG CONVERSATIONS. Honest words can be more intimate than touch.
3. DRUNK. You're over-sharing or simply maudlin.
4. FORCED INTIMACY. Magic. A truth serum, whatever - you didn't mean to bare your soul, but that is precisely what you're doing right now.
5. SLOW-DANCING. There is something inherently intimate about trusting someone else to lead you, and someone trust you to lead them.
6. OTHER. Intimacy can come in many forms. Pick your poison.

XIV. OTHER

1. BOUNTY HUNTERS. You're wanted. And someone is chasing you. Maybe it isn't your fault? But maybe you did rob that bank. Either way, there's someone after that price on your head. Confront them, or run? Specify hunter or hunted.
2. TRUTH. You can't tell a lie. Maybe both of you can't, or only one of you, but now is the time to ask those embarrassing questions.
3. OBEDIENCE. The person posting is compelled to obey, no matter what. (Un)Fortunately the person commenting is compelled to give orders. All orders given must be obeyed.
4. LOTUS EATERS. The person posting is trapped in their own dream of personal paradise. The person commenting is trapped with them. Help free them, or fall into paradise?
5. PLANTS OF DEATH. Plants are trying to kill you. (Something's . . . happening.)
6. INSOMNIA. One or both of you can't sleep, and that sucks. Be awake together.
7. DREAMWALKING. One of you is trapped in the other's dream - or nightmare.
8. SOULMATES. You are meant to be, whether the relationship is functional or . . . less so. Maybe you've just met and yet you know this person (previous lives okay here).
9. PICTURE/QUOTE PROMPT. Throw a bunch of pictures and/or quotes around and see what happens, free-form style! Try RP Visualosities or A Sea Of Quotes.
10. OTHER-WORLDLY. Go to the Other-Wordly blog and hit 'Random' until you get a word. Use the word as a prompt to write up an RP scenario. Do this several times if you like. Mix & match.

Comments

[stillplaying]

She either thinks too much or too little. Not that Katniss has had any real experience with romantic relationships. More like none what-so-ever. She never had the time for childhood crushes and by the time she had become a teenager, her life had been ripped away from her. It's possible that she could be going about this all wrong. Dwelling too much on whether she's even capable of love, let alone worthy at it. Trying to figure out if Matt's comments and actions are that of a father or brother like figure or that of a friend turned lover. It's become her latest hobby when she can't sleep at night.

Really, Katniss thinks it should be the other way around. As the guest, she should have the couch and Matt should have his bed. He does more during the day (and night) than she does, anyway. But that's a failed argument on her end. She's tried multiple times. Matt has yet to agree.

Someday she'll go with him, when she's convinced that she won't burst into flames as soon as she enters the church. Right now, Katniss is convinced that it's a very real possibility. Just as she thinks that all the Hail Mary's in the world won't make up for her past actions. Father Antram would probably see right through her, just like Matt ought to.

No, she's not doing it anymore. Katniss never would have to begin with but the money offer had been too good. Still, she can't erase her past no matter how much she wants to. He'd still be sleeping with someone who used to engage in sex for money. She doesn't equate sex with love like he does. She doesn't understand half of the things he believes when it comes to love. More than that, she understands how love can destroy a person. She's seen it with her mother. Katniss has already made the mistake of falling in love with Matt. She would understand if he refused to do the same.

His eyes have never bothered her. Even if he's not looking directly at her, Katniss knows that he's paying attention to her. There's something in the way he holds himself that tells her that she holds his attention and nothing short of an unexpected emergency will change that. There's so much more to Matt than his eyes and maybe it shouldn't be, but Katniss finds it amazing to watch him fight. No one would ever know that he's blind. They'd never guess.

Although she wants to, Katniss doesn't flee. His hands keep her grounded, especially that hand on her chin. She wants those fingers to slip further up her face so that she can kiss each fingertip. She wants him to 'see' that look of adoration on her face through touch. More than that, Katniss wants to kiss him again. She takes a couple of deep breaths but her heart keeps beating rapidly. She can hear it. Katniss can only imagine how loud it must be to Matt.

"Because it's me," she whispers, her mouth dry and her words hoarse. She's an idiot, one screwing everything up between them. Yet she keeps her head near his, foreheads almost touching and breaths almost mingling. "I'm me and you're you. I shouldn't have done that."

[preemptiveforgiveness]

She's definitely worthy of love and Matt has no doubt that she's capable of love. She cares about him, he knows that even if he doesn't know the extent of her feelings. She loves her sister. She is capable. He tries to keep his actions those of a brother or a father, but he knows that they're not always as fatherly or brotherly as they should be.

She'd never be able to sleep in the brightness and it doesn't matter to him.

There's nothing to see through, but Matt knows that she won't believe that. It's something that she has to learn on her own and that'll probably take time as well.

So much of what Matt believes is theory alone or maybe it's just hope. Either way, he hasn't given up on love. He's not bitter about it, just wary. He's aware of how much love can hurt, but he's still hopeful that one day he'll find a love that doesn't hurt.

He's paying attention to her regardless of where he's 'looking'. He's listening to her heart and her breathing, to her emotions. His entire being is focused on her right now. He hopes that no one knows he's blind to watch him fight. It's an advantage he has and it helps to keep his secret identity secret. He'll help her learn to fight if she'd like. In fact, if she's persistent about being his partner, it will be one of his conditions. She's good, but she's going to have to learn a more sophisticated, controlled sort of combat because he wants her to be as safe as possible.

He does use that method to 'see' someone provided he knows that someone is going to stay in his life. He hasn't done that with Katniss yet simply because it's intimate in a way and she reminds him of a wild animal, apt to shy at any time. He wants to kiss her again just as much, but he has to know that she wants him to kiss her. As for her heart, if he focuses on it, it sounds like the beat of a drum, loud and fast.

He swallows hard, listening to the infliction in her words, the tone of her voice, sensing her emotions and listening to her heart beating. He's listening to everything else so hard that her words are almost background noise. He moves his hand from beneath her chin slightly, his thumb sliding up to rest against her lips, to stop her words. "If I'm ever out of line, if I ever do anything you don't want me to do or if I ever make you uncomfortable, all you have to do is say something. It won't change anything. You'll still have a place to live; we'll still be friends. I'll still help you."

He lets his thumb slip down just below her lower lip before he slides his hand back along her jaw to her neck, fingertips and thumb cradling her face as he dips his head and kisses her. It's a soft kiss, gentle, but far from brief or chaste.

[stillplaying]

No she isn't. She's not worthy. But Katniss is selfish. Her sister still loves her because Prim doesn't know the truth. She doesn't know how Katniss had been providing for her these past two years. Matt knows the truth. He seems to like her well enough regardless. She'd never use love to describe the way he feels for her but she's definitely willing to accept that he's fond of her on some level. It's hard to comprehend.

Overall, her self-esteem has never been all that high. The past two years have only served to knock it down further. In some ways, she had been more of an object than a person to these people. It hadn't taken long for Katniss to generally agree with the assessment. Why would anyone love an object? There's a lot that she has to learn. Loving herself, not just loving others, is probably on the top of that list.

She knows how his abilities work. They still amaze her. They also make her envious. Though she holds out no hope, she wouldn't mind powers like his. More Inhumans are cropping up every day. Why not her? But that's not how these things work. Her fighting abilities are no where as refined as his. She learned how to fight in a desperate attempt not to die. Her skills are underhanded and creative but if it meant that she could protect Matt while he works his other job, she'd be willing to improve.

Comparing her to a wild animal isn't all that far off the mark. She had been very skittish when she first approached him. Ready to bolt the second he showed an inclination to hand her over to the police. There have been many days since where she's acted much the same. But she wouldn't run if he touched her or even if he kissed her. Her heart will continue to race but the fear would be worth it. At least that's what she tells herself.

The second his thumb slides near her lips, she swallows hard. Her eyes close and despite knowing that it's meant to silence her protests, she tilts her head enough to capture the tip of her thumb between her lips. She's being an idiot again, A stupid, reckless idiot. But there's that need to please him budding within her. He's closer than he's ever been, than anyone's been since being freed of the Games, and it makes her want. Though he tries to explain something to her, Katniss only draws a break. What could he ever make her do that she wouldn't want? Is he talking about what she's doing now? The way she's coming on to him even though he's given no inclination of wanting this kind of attention from her?

She's ready to ask or, even better, be smart and back away entirely, when his grip on her shifts and she finds his lips back on hers. The kiss has to be the gentlest that she's ever experienced and for a few seconds, Katniss isn't certain what to do. Then the same instincts she relied on in the past kick in and she amps up the kiss. This time, her kiss lasts more than a second. And it's far from the gentleness of his kiss. She crushes her lips to his and slips her tongue into his mouth. But it remains brief when fear gets the better of her.

"Father's don't kiss their daughters like this," she murmurs as she struggles to catch her breath. "Same with brothers and their sisters."

[preemptiveforgiveness]

She can keep telling herself that, but Matt hopes that eventually she'll realize that she is. In any case, at least she's selfish enough not to push everyone and everything away. Matt wouldn't even call it selfish; he'd call it a survival instinct and Katniss has that in spades, which isn't a bad thing. People aren't made to exist in a vacuum, at least not most of them. He wouldn't call what he feels for Katniss love, not yet, at least not the romantic sort, but he cares about her a great deal. He's interested in her romantically and he suspects that it could easily turn to him falling in love with her.

They'll have to work on that, but a great deal of it will simply come in time. She needs to be able to see herself as a person again, a person worthy of good things. If he thought she'd talk to a professional, he'd find someone for her to talk to. It might be something he addresses with her at some point. He'd had to talk to an endless string of professionals after his father had died and at first he'd been so angry about it, but over time it had helped.

No, that's not really how it works and even if she did get into an accident with something radioactive the way he had, there's no guarantee it would give her any abilities, but he can help make her very capable without any abilities. As she'd pointed out, Hawkeye manages just fine. So does Black Widow. Besides, he thinks she'll end up liking training. It's a good way to work out frustrations, anger and stress. Fighting is different when it's not a life or death situation.

Her heart racing isn't a bad thing, but the fear is. He doesn't want her to ever be afraid of him. This place is supposed to be safe for her.

He swallows hard when she kisses the tip of his thumb. His heart is racing, hammering hard in his chest even if she can't hear it. He doesn't want her to want to please him, not right now. That can come later. He'd rather that selfish streak in her arise and she please herself. She's not stupid or reckless. This won't endanger her in any way regardless of where things between them go from here. That's why he felt the need to say those words. He wants her to know that her shelter, her food, his help isn't dependent on what happens in the next few moments. He is talking about this moment right now, but obviously not in the way she thinks he is. This is something he wants (has wanted for a few weeks), but he's denied himself because he was/is afraid that it'll be unwanted or that's not how she thinks of him.

The kiss gets a great deal more heated than Matt had intended and that's due to Katniss' reaction. He moves a hand to the small of her back, tugging her closer so that she's practically in his lap. If this is something they're going to explore, he's definitely going to want to slow things down for her sake because she deserves a sweet, romantic relationship rather than something hurried and heated and over before it can really be enjoyed. However, at the moment he's definitely not thinking of slowing anything down. In fact, the things that he's thinking about really shouldn't be voiced. It's been a long time since he's been with anyone and that makes it all the more difficult to think about slowing down or taking his time.

Of course, her next words are like cold water on the whole situation. He takes a sharp breath, guilt and shame washing over him. He swallows thickly and clears his throat. "I--I apologize. I didn't realize--I guess I read the situation wrong. I thought this was..." he takes another sharp breath. "I thought this was what you wanted." He starts to move his hands, to lean back away from her. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, Katniss."

He wants to say that he doesn't think of her like a daughter or a sister, but he'd rather not put that out there if she thinks of him that way.

[stillplaying]

She will keep telling herself that. It'll probably be a long time before Katniss is convinced otherwise. Time with Matt has started to mend the emotional scars that comprise so much of her psyche. As far as Katniss is concerned, Matt doesn't owe her anything anymore. His responsibilities to her ended as soon as Daredevil put an end to the Games. He didn't have to take her in or trust her with his secret. But he had and for the first time in a long time, she had felt a spark of emotion that she would have sworn was dead. Though she tries not to think too much about it, Katniss had fallen for Matt that night he took her home to his loft. She loves him even though she doesn't want to acknowledge that.

He's the first person in a long time not to see her as an object, or to treat her as one. It's still hard to think of herself as a person, let alone a worthy one. But Matt's also right in thinking that sending her to a professional would be futile. She'd sit there in silence, staring at the shrink much as she stared at the coffee shop patrons who'd ask dumb questions (well, up until she was fired). It'd be much the same with Matt's priest. The past two years of her life have taught her how easily trust and promises are broken. Why should she trust any of them, professional or priest, not to rat her out to the cops? She trusts Matt but only because Matt had extended that trust to her first.

For Katniss, fighting has only ever been a life or death situation. There had been a time before her father died when she had engaged in sport. Archery had been there shared hobby and training a regular occurrence in the Everdeen household. She had even had the naïve aspirations of a little girl to someday make it to the Olympics. It hadn't lasted. Even in the fights she had been forced to lose, Katniss still fought as if her life depended on it. Those would almost always end in unconsciousness. She'd do anything to avoid that.

Almost everything about her life then had been about survival. It remains that way now. She can feel his heart racing underneath the palm that still rests flat on his chest. She recognizes the tempo as two possible things: nerves or arousal. She picks arousal because all of her kisses have always been with a partner interested in her. It's easier to know how to react to that than to think Matt Murdock might reject her advances. Besides, she is being selfish in her eyes. She doesn't want to get kicked out of the apartment. She doesn't want to lose Matt. Katniss just wants to survive. It's why his pleasure comes before her own. She doesn't have to please herself, or even be pleased with her actions. She just needs to make it until the next day.

And it seems to work. He responds in kind to the heated kiss and she lets him close the distance between them on the couch. She's pliable in his hands; if he had wanted to lift her on to his lap rather than seat her right beside him, she wouldn't fight. Katniss doesn't know how, not in this kind of scenario. Everything has always been hurried and heated and never anything that she enjoyed, even with repeat customers. There's nothing wrong with that. At least, she doesn't think that there should be much wrong with that. It had been her choice. And Katniss is stubborn enough to fully own her faults and mistakes rather than blame others. This though? The way Matt kisses her in return? It sparks something inside of her much like his trust had the night they met. She could see herself enjoying this. If Matt wanted to continue.

Which, clearly, he doesn't. At least that's what Katniss thinks at first. Her eyes narrow as she looks at him, frowning at that sharp breath and the clearing of his throat and the way he stumbles over his words. Matt is a lawyer. He's one of the most articulate people that she's ever met. This isn't Matt. And for a good few seconds following his apology, Katniss just sits there in confusion. Then it sinks in and she's left even more confused. She had thought she was good at reading situations. She had to be, hadn't she? In order to live through that nightmare? How could she possibly be wrong?

But she had been. She had been very wrong. It comes as a shock to her and leaves her grasping for words to say aloud. It would be so easy to blurt out the obvious - I love you - but she's too afraid. In fact, she doesn't know what to say at all. So she retreats back to actions, this time being the one to grab his waist to keep him from retreating back any further. Her other hand goes straight to his crotch, rubbing at the bulge forming there the way she had learned early into her life in the Games.

"You want me," she finally utters before picking up the kiss right where she left off, still feeling just as surprised as she had moments ago. But she's determined to show him that this is mutual. And words are too terrifying. She's already messed up with words once. So she bites his lower lip teasingly before darting her tongue out to soothe the sting. "I'm not uncomfortable."

[preemptiveforgiveness]

He doesn't do the things he does for her now because he feels he has a responsibility to her. He does them because he wants to help her, he likes her and he wants her to have a chance at a better life. She got dealt a very bad hand at a young age and he wants to help her make something better. More than that, he wants to see her happy because he does like her.

And in that case, he's happy to listen, to let her talk to him about whatever she wants to talk about. Maybe at some point, he'll push a little, but for the most part he lets her decide what she talks about and when. Unfortunately, she's right. Too often promises and trust are things that are broken, but Matt is going to try to make sure that both of those stay whole between the two of them. It's not as if he's got that many people he trusts either, more than Katniss, but not an overabundance and he hopes with time she'll come to trust Foggy and Karen as well, even Father Antram so that if she needs him and can't get a hold of him, she has other people to turn to.

That's why, for at least a little while, he'll try to make sparring with him fun. He'll try to make teaching her and learning something fun. When they're out at night hunting someone, it's serious, but training doesn't have to be, not like that. Really, he wants Katniss to learn that not everything is about survival. Life holds so much more than that. There's a big difference between surviving and living. He hopes that one day she'll learn to live rather than just survive.

She's not wrong about the reason his heart is beating so fast and so hard. She is wrong about being kicked out of the apartment. This isn't ever going to be connected to her living here and that's what Matt has to stress to her so that she understands. She doesn't have to have sex with him or anyone else in order to live here. This is her home now and he's her friend. She's not going to lose him anymore than she's going to lose a place to stay.

Oh, it's definitely working. he's responding to her in every way. He doesn't pick her up or move her closer, that's not what this is about. Ths is just a kiss and that's all it's going to be for the moment because of all of Katniss' past issues and her thoughts on survival. No, there's nothing wrong with what she did if it had been her choice. The fault lie with the other people, the ones who had taken advantage of her and knowing that she couldn't or wouldn't turn them away or ask them to stop. She should always enjoy physical intimacy, that's what makes it so fantastic.

No, he does want to continue this eventually and he's stumbling over his words because this is important, not to mention the blood isn't exactly rushing to his brain. Really, it's like they're talking about two different things and neither of them have enough information to really understand the other one. He can sense the confusion coming off her in waves and he knows that he's made a mess of all of this.

He stops moving away when she wraps an arm around him. She's even closer now and that seems to be a good thing, then she's rubbing her hand against him and he's gasping out loud. He's shocked at first, too shocked to move, but after a moment he grabs her wrist, pulling her hand up and holding it against his chest. His breath is coming in pants and his heart is still going crazy. "Wait," he tells her, giving himself a chance to put his thoughts together as much as anything. He tries to sort out her words and her actions, everything she's been telling him in both ways up until this point. He returns the kiss, still not giving the impression that this is anything but mutual. He tangles his other hand up in her hair in an effort to hold her there, to make sure she hears him out. "Katniss, I don't think of you like a daughter or a sister. I know I probably should because of the difference in our ages, but you're right: I do want you," he pauses, drawing a deep breath, trying to gauge her reaction to his words. "It's important that you want me too," he tells her in a quieter voice.

[stillplaying]

Other people were dealt bad hands at young ages and none of them are residing in this apartment right now. Besides, she made her choices. And it's because of those choices that she's where she is today. That she's lived through such crappy events. She won't blame the hand that she dealt. Just like she won't blame anyone but herself. He has to know that by now. Not that any of that helps her in understanding Matt's actions. She might not ever. At least until she learns that she is the kind of person that Matt can love.

To this day, she still prefers to hide in the bedroom or leave the apartment when Foggy or Karen - or anyone really - come over. Mostly, she doesn't think that Matt wants her to get to know his friends so well. She sees herself as some dirty little secret that ought to be hidden from decent people. Or like the pet that'll only get in the way. She's not nearly as smart as them. They've both led normal lives. High school, college. Normal relationships and normal jobs. Why would they want to spend time with an uneducated murderer? Why would Matt for that matter?

Though that latter question is starting to make sense. That Matt is attracted to her answers a lot. Why he keeps her around. Why he wants her to be happy. Why he spends this much time with her. Maybe he's just been waiting for her to cover from the wounds she had sustained in her last fight, the one that Daredevil had crashed. She had attacked him then, thinking that he was just part of the show. It will be good to learn from him but having fun? Katniss doesn't care if she has fun. She just wants him to make it home in one piece. She just wants him to be happy, especially with her.

She still wouldn't blame him if he changes his mind. If he decides that she belongs elsewhere, specifically an elsewhere that's far from Hell's Kitchen and him. This might be one of those things that'll take as much time as building her self-worth. Or how to live rather than just survive. As time passes, Katniss might come to realize that there's very little she can do to get herself kicked out.

But it's not going to stop her from wanting to please him. Not right now, anyway. He's responding and to Katniss, that signals that she ought to further his enjoyment. It's what her customers wanted. Why should it be any different with Matt? Besides, there is a difference this time. More than just a lack of monetary transaction involved. Katniss wants to do this. She wants to make him happy because his happiness means everything to her, whether she wants it to or not. That makes it fantastic enough, doesn't it?

Katniss is more than aware that the blood isn't rushing to his brain. If it were, she wouldn't be doing a good enough job right now. She's also not really doing her best to understand what he has to say right now. Katniss is latching on to the one thing that she understands when it comes to relationships. She knows sex. Anything else is just a puzzle to her. There's nothing else Matt has to clarify. His body's reactions speak volumes.

But he pulls her hand away anyway and though he doesn't mean to hurt her by doing so, it does hurt. For the first time in her life, Katniss doesn't feel ashamed by or numb to the sounds she elicits from him. She loves every crazy beat of his heart, every gasp, every second that he becomes harder beneath her hand. Because of her hand. He has no reason to move her hand away. He has no reason to stop kissing her in exchange for more talk. Especially when the kiss says the exact opposite of what the hand of her wrist says. The same with that hand in her hair. Everything he's saying, everything else he's doing says he wants her. Then why did he move her hand away?

He wouldn't be the oldest person she's had sex with. She never would have considered the difference in their ages if not for the way he seemed to act around her. Like he considered her a kid. Someone to be protected and cared for. Just like a father figure or an older sibling. Clearly that's not it at all. So she made a mistake. She misread the situation between them. Can't he see that she's trying to make up for it now?

"I do," she insists, lips brushing his as she talks. Her mind's made up; Katniss wants him to gasp again. So she slides her free hand from his waist downward. She liked hearing him gasp. Doesn't he get that? It's not like it was before. This is different and the difference intrigues her. Talking is hard. Giving in to something that she's become good at isn't. He's paid her with a place to live and more than one job opportunity. Now she can at least earn that pay. And for once, it doesn't seem so bad. She presses her palm against his crotch and begins caressing him all over again. "I want you," Katniss whispers, her voice strangely husky to her own ears. "Tell me what you want, Matt."

[preemptiveforgiveness]

Well, no, which ought to make her feel special. Honestly, when he'd first allowed Katniss to stay here, he'd had no idea what to do with her. He hadn't intended for it to be permanent. He'd thought she surely had some place to go, someone who missed her. A few days became longer and now he doesn't even question her living here. She belongs here. It's a good thing to take responsibility for her actions and her choices, but she also needs to realize that there are some things that happened that were not her fault or her responsibility. It'll be a long road and Matt is aware of that.

Which is why he really needs to get her out more. She's far from a dirty, little secret. He talks to Karen and Foggy every day about Katniss and how she's doing or something she said the night before etc and so on. He simply hasn't wanted to push her out of her comfort zone so most of the time they stick to having delivery in the apartment.

That was not the point he was trying to make. He simply wanted her to know that he is attracted to her. That isn't why he keeps her around or why he wants her to be happy. He likes who she is as a person. On those nights that she lets her guard down, she's funny and smart, sarcastic and even charming.

At least he can understand that she wants him home in one piece and happy with him. He feels the same way about her, but he wants so much more for her than she wants for herself and it has nothing to do with his attraction to her.

He's not going to change his mind about wanting her here. He wouldn't have let her stay this long if he was. Though, he's got his own insecurities to work through so it's understandable that she's got hers. If they get into a romantic relationship, he will forever worry that this is too much for her, this being anything and everything in his life.

He's not one of her customers and this isn't an exchange of payment and services. He doesn't want to be treated like it is; he doesn't want her to feel like it is. It's important to him that she's happy and that she's pleased, that the desire here is mutual. Not quite fantastic enough.

It's not a job. This should be the beginning to something. Really, they're just too different in their opinions of what this should mean and be. It would be so easy to give himself over to the want and need that his body is screaming for right now, but he would feel horrible about himself later and there would be more need to talk and explain and make Katniss understand that this is different.

Hurting her wasn't his point. Explaining everything that he's feeling and everything that he wants this to be and making sure that Katniss is on the same page as him is important. Consent is such a multi-layered thing and he doesn't want there to be any gray areas between them where this is concerned. He knows he's giving her mixed signals and in part that's on purpose. He wants her to be aware that he wants her. There should be no questions about that. The confusion and the blurred lines lie in that he wants to make sure she understands this comes with no strings attached, that she wants him just as much.

That...doesn't help. At all. She's got nothing to make up for. HIs feelings for her have evolved over the time she's been here.

That's the problem. He doesn't get that this is different. Talking is hard, but it's important. He really hates that word paid. HE doesn't want her to ever think about him paying her or her earning her keep. 'Not so bad' isn't good enough. She presses against him and he responds, swallowing hard, eyes closing and lashes fluttering as he bites back a groan. After a moment, he tugs her into his lap. "First of all, slow down," he tells her, leaning in to press his lips against her collarbone. "I'm not going anywhere and neither are you."

[stillplaying]

Katniss hadn't attended for this arrangement to be permanent either. She had meant to slip out after a couple of days, as soon as she had felt healthy enough to be able to stand on her own two feet. She couldn't afford letting people in her life, let alone people who made her actually feel things. But leaving proved to be harder. She wanted to be around a man who trusted her, and possibly seemed to like her. He never forced her to leave and Katniss did her best not to give him a reason.

Of course, she doesn't know how often he talks about her. When Matt leaves to go to work each morning, she leaves to go to her latest job. If she runs into someone he knows during the day, she ducks her head and pretends not to see them. Word has yet to get back to her. That's okay. Knowing that he talks about her so often would just make her all the more uncomfortable. Pleased and flattered but utterly embarrassed. She needs to be pushed out of her comfort zone more often.

He shouldn't want those other things for her. Her life is already a lot better than it had been before she had met him. What else does she need in her life? Katniss has a real home to live in and someone, it turns out, interested in her. Someone she loves. That's enough, isn't it?

He has to remember who she is, where she came from. Though sometimes Katniss wishes her life could be normal, it turned out not to be. She's not the only one; the same can be said of most of the prominent victors within the Games. But compared to a lot of New Yorkers, her life is unique. She's killed more children than years she's been alive. she's sure that she's sold herself to just as many. And she's been in love with him almost since the day they met. Dating Daredevil doesn't seem like too much.

It's not that Katniss sees this as a job. Or that she sees him as one of her customers. Not fully. But there is that part of her that recognizes this as payback for everything that he's given her. And an even larger part that just doesn't know how to go about sex in any other manner. Besides, getting him off with her hands (or her mouth; she hasn't decided yet) is just the start. They have the whole night for him to enjoy her. More than that. She doesn't want to go anywhere and she'd do whatever he'd ask anyway. He should give himself over to that want and need. Honestly, Katniss can't think of anything better.

She had given him her consent the second that she had kissed him. And as far as she's concerned, he's given his consent in return by kissing her back. Can't it stay that simple? All this talking just makes everything confusing. Katniss prefers simple in her life. Greatly prefers it.

But not as much as she prefers this. He responds as nicely to her as he had at first and it causes a shiver to go down her spine. She's kept quiet about that part of her past on purpose. Bad enough he knows about all the murders. Katniss doesn't want him to know about everything else that she's done for money. She might be giving herself away but it's all she knows when it comes to sex. And to be honest, she's too distracted actually enjoying herself to even care.

"I like it when you make those noises," she insists, straddling and grinding herself against him as soon as he moves her into his lap. Her eyes flutter closed when he kisses her collarbone and for once, she doesn't have to fake the moan that escapes her lips. It's unexpected and that makes her smile. She presses a kiss against his jaw before nipping at the bone. "Let me make you feel good. Trust me, Matt?"

You saw nothing!

[preemptiveforgiveness]

It's become comfortable to have her there and Matt never realized how nice it was to have someone to come home to until Katniss was there. He never realized how nice it was to have someone to share his day with. He doesn't want her to ever leave and that's true whether she cleans the house or anything else else.

He'll set about doing that, taking her on dates and inviting her to nights out with Karen and Foggy. They're all three a part of his life now and he'd like for them all to get along.

She doesn't get to tell him what he should and shouldn't want. Of course, that's hypocritical since he's telling her what he wants for her. He just wants her to be happy and healthy.

He does remember and he hates that he hadn't been able to save her before. He feels guilty about it. He's been the daredevil for a whole year before he'd saved her, longer really and he hadn't known about the Games until a few months ago. Maybe it's because he remembers where she came from and who she is that he wants so much for her. He wants her life now to make up for the life she'd had. As for his insecurities, those will fade over time, just as her issues will fade over time.

This is why they need to actually talk more. He wants to show her how to have sex another way, to make it more mutual. She should enjoy him just as much as he enjoys her.

He's not accustomed to anything being that simple.

He can't help his response to her, and he doesn't want to. He doesn't need to know every little thing about her past. He just needs enough to know where she's coming from, to understand her. Enjoying herself is good. That's a definite start in the right direction.

"I'll keep that in mind," he tells her in a husky whisper. She gets another groan out of him when she grinds herself against him. He swallows hard and one hand goes to span her waist. That moan spurs him on and makes him feel a lot better about this whole thing. "I like the way your skin tastes," he tells her, kissing her neck and nipping lightly at the skin. The way she kiss his jaw feels good and his hand on her waist squeezes a bit tighter. "Only if you let me make you feel good too," he whispers against her skin.

Saw what?

[stillplaying]

Then she won't. Maybe she'll just stay here with him forever. Where else will she go anyway? Prim and her mother are doing so well without Katniss being a part of their everyday life. She never kept in touch with her childhood friends and she definitely doesn't have any friends from her days in the Games. He is, in so many ways, the only person that she has left in her life. But like everything else, she won't blame anyone but herself.

Date nights? Nights out with Karen and Foggy? One thing at a time. She might just turn out to be the sort of girl best to have sex with, not to actually date. Katniss would understand that. It all comes back to her thinking so little of herself. An object, not a person.

Though she had heard rumors about the Daredevil sometime shortly after he had donned the mask. But Katniss never held herself to any delusions that someone, even Hell's Kitchen's own superhero, would ever take an interest in the Games. It turned out that she had been wrong. He had and she'll never stop feeling grateful. But it's more than gratitude that has her in his lap right now. True, the gratitude is mixed in with all the rest of her emotions. Gratitude, love, and so much more. Can they just fast-forward to that point in time? A time when he doesn't feel guilty for being attracted to a girl half his age and she might actually think that she deserves love?

They do need to talk. But Katniss is determined to prevent that talk for as long as possible. She knows that she'll say the wrong thing. There's no doubt. She'll say the wrong thing and mess up what feels like a perfect moment. No, talking isn't necessary. just like mutual pleasure isn't necessary.

He shouldn't have to to hide his response to her. This is what Katniss wants, too. There's so much she should tell him one day. Maybe. If she's ever brave enough. But for now, no more thinking. Just acting. She's been with enough men that by now, she'd like to think that she knows what they like. Her pleasure has nothing to do with that. It rarely does. Yet when he groans again, she feels another shiver go down her spine and she wants more. She's not counting the minutes until Matt's done with her. Tonight can go on forever.

"You don't have to," she answers in a matter-of-fact manner, as if she's never considered her own pleasure all that much. And she hasn't. "Just trust me," she reminds him, slipping her hands between them. She kisses him again, his jaw and his chin and finally his lips. If his mouth is busy, he can't talk. So she does her best to keep it busy, diving her tongue in deep. If he doesn't stop her, she'll pull his cock free from his sweatpants and begin to stroke him in earnest. Her actions are clearly practiced, not those of the innocent girl he might think that she is.

Re: Saw what?

[preemptiveforgiveness]

Right now, he's completely okay with forever. He doesn't believe in it, but he's okay with it. it's not that he minds being the only person in her life, but he doesn't want to isolate her either. For Matt, having Katniss here is all about giving her a better life, that includes encouraging her to let other people in.

She is not going to turn out to be that sort of girl. If she were that sort of girl, Matt wouldn't have her living here. He's 'gone out' with that sort of girl before. he never sticks around until morning. They'll start with a date night to one of his favorite restaurants close by and branch out from there. It's funny, he's more likely to push her out of her comfort zone dating than he ever is having sex.

It would be nice to be able to hit that fast forward button, but they'd miss so much if they did that and Matt suspects the journey, though difficult, will be worth taking. He doesn't mind that she feels gratitude toward him. He's grateful to have her in his life, that she stayed instead of becoming another runaway. Of course, had she done that he would have hunted her down to make sure she was okay, but he wouldn't have dragged her back here. Her staying is always going to be her choice. If he'd known about the Games sooner, he would have rescued her sooner. He'll never stop feeling guilty that he didn't find out about something as huge a the Games earlier.

He'd started this determined to talk, but that determination is slipping every time she touches him or kisses him. She won't say the wrong thing. There's no wrong thing to say here because what she's got to say and what she's feeling is important to Matt, very, very important. And mutual pleasure is just as necessary to Matt. That's something that he will, at least, insist upon.

At least she's made it clear that she does want this. He's just not entirely sure that her mindset is right for this, which is what makes him hesitate. She clearly hasn't been with the right kind of men if she thinks that her pleasure doesn't matter. He can feel her shiver and intuit enough to know that it's with pleasure and not because she's uncomfortable. It's a good thing that she's not counting the moments until they're done because Matt certainly isn't either. In fact, he's still trying to get her to slow down.

He pulls back so that she can see his face and his expression. "Katniss, I know I don't have to. I want to. That's part of it. I want you to enjoy this. I want to kiss you and touch you." His brow is furrowed and his expression a little worried. He's also trying very hard to focus on anything except the way her hands feel on him. "Slow down. Please." His voice is more than a little ragged and breathy. He reaches up to cup her face. He leans in to kiss her lips again. It's obvious she's not as innocent as he had assumed and the only difference that makes is he's a little less worried about doing something she's clueless about.

[stillplaying]

She doesn't believe in it either but it's a nice notion nonetheless. Too bad it's never turned out to be true. Kids are supposed to grow up with both their parents; that hadn't happened for either of them. Teenaged girls are supposed to spend those years in school learning, hanging out with friends, dating boys. Not fighting almost every night, killing children both older and younger than her, selling herself to whoever - man or woman - showed interest. Forever and ideals don't exist. Too bad. It could be kind of nice.

It shouldn't have to be this way either. At eighteen years old, her comfort zone should be in dating. Specifically, it should be in dating boys her own age. But it isn't. Sex with a thirty-something year old isn't new to her. That's her comfort zone, isn't it? Treating sex like a transaction, getting it over with, taking as little pleasure in it for herself as possible so she doesn't feel any more revolted with who she had become than she does most days. But always faking that pleasure as not to disappoint. No, maybe that's not a comfort zone. A numb zone? Does that count?

To Katniss, it doesn't matter if he had heard about the Games any sooner or any later than he had. She had already given up on any kind of rescue after a couple of months in. The kingpins involved were smart, and wealthy, enough to make sure no one would miss the children they hired to fight (and die) in their arena. No one was going to come, at least not to rescue them. It was a well kept secret, in part because so many of its patrons were those that would never be suspected. That Daredevil had ended matters at all was as much of a miracle as Katniss would allow herself to believe in.

That's where he's wrong. She will say the wrong thing. It's already happened once tonight, when Katniss mistook Matt's affections towards her. There's never been much discussion with sex, not of that sort anyway. No, she's never been with the right kind of men. But that, she assumes, is what happens when you're a sixteen year old killer, no, victor who has just come to realize how much she could make by selling her virginity. And why should she have stopped there? Doing that had just solidified everything that had been drilled into her: she's an object, worthless in everything except for what she's good at - fucking and fighting. The damage had been done. What point had there been in changing until Matt?

And change is hard. Even now, feeling good about what she's doing to him, feeling that pleasure is as overwhelming as it is alluring, as terrifying as it is wanted. Slowing down just isn't an option because slowing down means she has to think. She has to stop and realize what she's doing. Realize how much she wants Matt to do all the dirty things that she once despised. That choosing to be intimate with a man can be enjoying. And how she loves him even more tonight than ever before.

Even if he does keep breaking their kiss to talk. She nearly scowls at him out of habit before remembering that scowls are not allowed when engaging in sex. Not unless it's asked for by her customer. Somehow, though Matt can never see her scowls, he's always been good at knowing anyway. She doesn't want to anger him. Not right now. She just wants him to be happy. Happy with her. And for the most part, he seems happy. Except when he talks. Begs her to slow down.

"I could use my mouth instead." The suggestion comes out before she even thinks too much about it. It's what she'd probably be doing if he were anyone else by now. Someone not insisting that she slow down. Hadn't she already told him that she's enjoying herself? What more does he want from her? Besides, clearly he's enjoying it. There's a raggedness in his words that she knows stems from the way she's stroking him. He wants this. Her. "I'm very good," she continues between slow, lingering kisses, giving him at least that while still making an effort to back up her claim, "with my mouth."

[preemptiveforgiveness]

They do exist. Matt is proof of that, but they're not easily attained and they're hard to hold onto when everything else is so much easier.

Matt wishes he could rewind things for her and let her have that innocence back. He can't though, but he can give her a little taste of it. She'll have to trust him for that though.

No. She didn't say the wrong thing. She helped them clear up something that both of them had been wrong about. She might say things that surprise him or shock him, but she won't say anything that makes him leave and anything she does say will eventually help them . Communication is a good thing. She can change now. She's got that opportunity.

Change is hard and it doesn't come overnight, but it's worth doing. If he knew that, it would just reinforce his idea that they need to slow down. He's beginning to get a picture of what else had gone on in her past. It's not hard to put together and it makes him want to hurt the people that had done this to her very badly. No one should be in those circumstances, least of all a teenage girl. Maybe she needs to stop and think, realize what she's doing, realize all of those things. It might be beneficial in the long run.

If she feels like scowling, then she ought to scowl. There's a difference between physically happy and actually happy. Right now, he's bewildered and worried, excited because of the prospect for a romantic relationship with her and yes, happy, but that's not all that's going on right now.

It's hard to focus when she's touching him like that. He feels like he can't breathe and it takes him far too long to put words together. "Katniss. Slow down. That's not--this isn't how I want us to do this," he tells her. He takes a shuddering, deep breath. "Trust me," he tells her, reaching down to take her wrist again in his hand. "Trust me this time, okay?"

[stillplaying]

Matt is proof of that. He's her own personal miracle, not that she'll ever tell him that. He had come to rescue her and the other children trapped in the Games because it was the right thing to do. Though she's wanted to repay him again and again, Matt's never asked for anything in return. None of them would have ever been able to save themselves. She tried once, after her first kill. When she thought that she still might be able to have a normal life. Her actions had nearly killed her. But he had succeeded where she (or anyone else) couldn't.

She'll never get that innocence back. But that innocence has been gone for so long that she doesn't really miss it. Katniss trusts him already. She trusts him more than she's ever trusted anyone except for Prim. Maybe she trusts him more than she trusts her sister. It's a weird thought.

Katniss had always taken the relative freedom she had for granted up until she found herself in the arena. But now that she's free again, she almost misses the control others had over her. It was almost easy to be told what to do, how to live. There's so much opportunity now. So much potential. What if she makes the wrong choice again?

As soon as the heat and the hunger die down, as soon as she's thinking straight again, she'll be hating herself for what she's revealed. Because she's certain that he'll despise her for that part of her past, too. Bad enough that he knows about all the murders that she's committed. At least people had forced her to kill. Everything else she had done had been hinted at or heavily suggested but in the end, she had been the one to cross those lines. It turns out it's not that hard when you stop thinking or caring.

Which is exactly what she's trying to do now. Katniss doesn't want to think, just act. She doesn't want to care about what Matt might think once the moment passes. She frowns when his hands grab her wrists and still her actions. Her frown deepens when he doesn't tell her to use her mouth instead. Instead it's more encouragement to slow down. To stop? "I just want to make you feel good."

[preemptiveforgiveness]

He's incredibly grateful that he did succeed, that it brought Katniss into his life. Even now when things are so incredibly awkward, he's grateful that she's here.

He trusts her as well as much as he trusts Foggy or Karen, perhaps more because he lives with her.

Freedom is scary; choices are scary; life is scary, but everyone does the best that they can and turn to people to help them when they need it. If she wants his guidance, he'll try to make sure that she makes informed choices rather than rash ones. He'll support her and help her if he can.

She doesn't have to hate herself. He certainly doesn't, but he's aware that's something she'll have to discover for herself.

Right now, Matt wants her to think and care. He wants her to be in this moment. "I know," he tells her. "Come here," he says as he pulls his pants up a little. He wants to pull her into his arms and hold her. "This will make me feel good."

[stillplaying]

And she's grateful too. She's been grateful every single second up until now. Right now she wants to just disappear. Be anywhere but in the loft that she now calls home. She'd even take being back in that arena over this. Anything to avoid the awkwardness that's suddenly blooming up between them. She's failed, hasn't she? For all he says being in his lap will make him feel good, she knows that this isn't how it works. This is when she'd be kicked out without pay, back to the closet-sized room allocated to her at the arena.

Freedom is awful because freedom leads to this. More mistakes. That's all she's made since the Games. Mistake after mistake. And for all Matt indicates that he wants her to stay in his lap, she's certain that he doesn't.

At least he can't see the redness in her face. Or the way that tears of frustration and rejection sting her eyes. But he can probably feel the heat in her cheeks or smell her tears or something ridiculous like that.

"How?" she questions. Katniss watches as he pulls his sweatpants back up, finally allowing a bit of a scowl to fill her face. She stays in his lap only because she doesn't know where else to go. Well, she could just leave. Maybe she should just leave. Practically everything she owns now have been clothes donated by Matt. There's no reason to take them with her.

"You're still hard. Most..." Katniss trails off, swallowing hard. There are things she doesn't want to say but Matt's smart and she had been dumb. He's probably put it together anyway. "They never payed me for cuddling."

[preemptiveforgiveness]

She has no reason to embarrassed or ashamed and that certainly wasn't Matt's intention. He'd just wanted to slow things down, to take things slow even. This isn't a one night stand nor is it an encounter like she's accustomed to. She hasn't failed and she doesn't know how it works. This is how it works in a relationship, which is what Matt wants to give a shot with her.

This isn't a mistake, and hopefully before the night is over, she'll come to realize that. There really is nowhere he'd rather have her than in his lap right now.

He can sense both, but he's not about to bring it to anyone's attention. He knows she's embarrassed and frustrated. He won't add to that.

He takes a calming, deep breath before he answers. "Because it makes me feel loved and safe. It makes me feel good because I believe, I hope, that it's making you feel the same way. It's not as intense a feeling as an orgasm," he admits, "but it lasts a lot longer. I'll go to bed tonight feeling warm, safe and loved. I'll fall asleep thinking about being wrapped up in you on this couch." Yes, it makes him very vulnerable to admit all of this, to put it all into words, but he figures she's laid just as bare right now, so he might as well join her.

The chuckle he lets out has an awkward edge. "Yeah...that's probably not going to change with you in my lap, but I'm not going to make decisions with my dick. I'm not sixteen anymore." His heart plummets at her confession. He'd suspected, yes, but to have it confirmed in words hurts. "Katniss," he tells her softly, tenderly, "I'm not paying you. I'm trying to date you."

[stillplaying]

She'll realize that later. When all of her emotions aren't bubbling at the surface and threatening to make her explode. The only people that she's ever known to love her in her life have been her parents and sister. It's hard to think anyone else might actually love her, especially given who Katniss has become. There's nothing about her worth loving now and yet? This has to be a dream or a mistake or something like that. There have been too many good things in her life lately. How can she possibly deserve any more?

But somehow, he's giving her more. It's slowly (very slowly) starting to sink in. This isn't a mistake. He wants her. He wants her in his life on a permanent basis. Not a one-night stand, not every few months when the desire hits him. It should relieve her but it just makes her more frustrated. She still doesn't understand. Before tonight, everything had been black and white between them. Relatively simple. It's far from that now.

Especially when he speaks. This time the tears do fall. When was the last time she's felt safe and loved? She's not sure. Sex had never been about that. It had been all about the orgasm and the money she could get for that service. She'd go to bed hating herself, not feeling warm, safe, and loved. And while the people she serviced would go to bed smug and satisfied, she knew that she meant absolutely nothing to them. He's laying everything bare right now, putting all his cards on the table, and though it hurts to hear someone care for her this much, it's because she didn't think it was possible.

She looks down at her wrists still being held tight in his hands. Her eyes linger on the bulge obvious within his sweatpants. Then she looks up at him, studying the expression on his face. His eyes might not focus on her but the sincerity is clear within his features anyway. He's not just saying this. He has no reason to; she had made it very clear that she'd give him whatever he wanted tonight. Katniss leans in then to press a kiss on the corner of his mouth. She's going to mess this up, always acting before thinking, but right now she doesn't care. Feeling loved is a heady feeling. The best aphrodisiac she's ever experienced. "I love you," she murmurs, kissing him more deeply this time. Though her kisses are still every bit seductive as they had been before, there's also something more joyous about them. A little more innocent and happy. "I love you, Matt."

[preemptiveforgiveness]

He loves her because of who she still is despite all the things she's done. Not everyone could have survived what she did and Matt loves that about her. He'll reassure her that it's not as often as she needs him to. He's a patient man. She's going to have to get used to the good things. That's not to say that nothing bad will ever happen again. Plenty bad has happened to Matt since he chose to become Daredevil, but plenty good has a well. That's sort of the way life is, he's learned: it's a mixture of good and bad. She's had a long stretch of bad and she's due some good.

At least it's sinking in. She can take as much time as necessary realizing it as long as she does realize it. Matt has had plenty of one night stands in his life, but they're not what he wants anymore, which is why he hasn't had one in a while. His professional life and life in general is far too complicated to bring someone that he doesn't know well and may not want to stick around into that complicated life. Besides all of that, Katniss isn't someone he wants to have a one night stand with. That's one reason he's been so hesitant to start anything with her; he knows it's a long term situation and not a one night stand. Yes, things will get more complicated between them, but they'll also get more rewarding.

He knows when those tears start to fall, but he also knows that the reason she's crying isn't particularly bad. He's getting a lot of mixed emotions off her right now, but that's probably pretty normal considering. When they do have sex, it won't be like that. It'll be something entirely different, something that she wants and that makes her feel loved. It be about mutual pleasure. It will also probably end in cuddling.

When she leans in to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth, he lets her wrists go. This isn't a trick or a spiel. He is sincere and passionate about what he's saying and he does want her both physically and emotionally, which is why this is so awkward and complicated. He thinks it's worth it though and even if he wanted to, it would be too hard to separate his emotions for her from the physical aspect of things. Matt would only end up getting his heart broken if they didn't have this talk. She's not going to mess it up, and kissing him certainly doesn't mess anything up. His heart clenches when she says she loves him. There's so many reasons why she shouldn't, but she does and he loves her so there's little point in fighting against that. He slides one hand up her back to rest at the nape of her neck. "I love you too," he whispers because he does, regardless of how much he's tried to fight it and tonight, the things he's learned, has only made him love her more.

[stillplaying]

She's strong. Definitely a survivor. But those aren't reasons for love in her opinion. They're only character traits that succeeded in keeping her alive. Most people could care less if someone's strong or capable of surviving through traumatic events. They either are or they aren't. It's amazing that anyone could love her at all, let alone for those qualities. Katniss has no illusions that life will be good from here on out. No one's life is that perfect. Life hasn't even been all good since moving in with Matt. But in comparison to what it had been?

That much she can understand. She's seen how complicated his life is, lawyer during the day and superhero at night. Either job on its own is time-consuming. Both together? That he's spent a lot of his precious (and she presumes rare to come by)free time with her means a lot. It helps to make his affections easier to accept. They've been their since day one. Katniss has just misinterpreted the hows of it all. This will never be a one night stand. Not unless she's too afraid to push forward with the relationship.

She knows how sensitive Matt is to touch. It's the reason why he has the most luxurious sheets that Katniss has ever slept in. That he'd find her just as... luxurious, for lack of better word, to hold tight to his body is surprising to her. He has to care for her if that's what he wants. If he wants her to be able to enjoy herself as much as he does when they have sex, he has to love her. Right? Because that's what people in love do. At least, that's what she grew up thinking until she was too old to know better. Regardless of what he wants, Katniss won't hesitate to do anything he asks.

As soon as her wrists are free, she wraps her arms around his neck. Her chest presses in to his and were it not for the back of the couch, she'd wrap her legs around his waist. Instead she continues to straddle him, kneeling and pressing her legs as close to his thighs as possible. She's never been this close to a man without being fully naked. It's strange but that nice kind of strange. Katniss knows that he means every word, especially those last four. He loves her. A child-killer who doubled as a prostitute. But he loves her.

Katniss knows that there's a lot more to talk about. There are things she needs to admit to him. More details about her past, all that middle that she's been too afraid to bring up. What'll happen next between them. But right now, she doesn't want to discuss any of that. Hasn't she satisfied his need for slow? Katniss kisses him again, fingers playing with the strands at the nape of his neck. She moves her body suggestively against his. She can't talk anymore. She's happy. And she wants to make the happiness last. Katniss trails kisses along his jawline before tugging at his earlobe. "Tell me what you want," she whispers into his ear. Her breath catches in her throat before she adds in, "love."

Even if it's just to sleep beside him for the rest of the night, she'll do it. He's won her over completely with this four words.

[preemptiveforgiveness]

Different people see various qualities as attractive. Matt likes strength in people. He admires those that have survived something traumatic haven't let it ruin them. She's got other qualities that make him love her as well such as she's smart and funny. He appreciates her dry humor and her sarcasm. He'll settle for giving her a life with enough good in it.

He doesn't sleep a lot and probably looks perpetually exhausted, but ti's something he's grown accustomed to. He rarely even notices it anymore. He's also lucky that he's able to stay home some days and either work from there or just take the day off to sleep (which he does on occasion), but yes: his life is complicated; it's probably always going to be complicated. What she doesn't realize is that he wants to take free time to spend with her. Yes, he occasionally goes out with Foggy and sometimes Karen accompanies them, but that's not terribly common (maybe next time, Katniss will meet them). Yes, his affections have been there since day one. At first they'd just been that of someone concerned about a young girl. They'd evolved over the time she's spent here to that of a friend and more recently they've turned romantic. He does hope that she won't be too afraid to push forward with the relationship, but he'll also give her time to move forward at her own pace.

It's a heady feeling being wrapped up in someone like this, especially with Matt's sense. He bows his head to nestle his nose in the crook of her neck and takes a deep breath. For the most part, he uses unscented shampoos and body washes so all that he smells right now is Katniss, her skin and her breath, her hair and the warmth of her. It's a slightly spicy, green scent, but also something deeper and darker like amber and fire. His breath catches when she moves against him and his swallows hard. His heart is beating harder and faster again. He can't help the breathy groan he lets out when she catches his earlobe between her teeth. Happy is good. It's a mutual sort of happiness.

He pulls back to rest his forehead against hers. "You," he tells her in a husky voice. "Just you." He dips his head to catch her bottom lip between his teeth, biting it lightly before crushing his lips to hers.

[stillplaying]

Different people do see different qualities as attractive. For Katniss, his strength had appealed to her as well. But it had been his compassion that had really caught her attention. Of course Katniss had known there were superheroes out there. You had to be an idiot to still deny their existence. But the Avengers seemed more concerned with saving the world than the average citizen. It's noble but not nearly as noble as a man willing to risk his life and existence for one person. She never knew that men like Matt had existed. Maybe, if she's lucky, she can wind up being like him some day.

Though she'll just as willingly settle for being with him. Katniss doesn't care about the looks they sometimes get when he does succeed in getting her out of the apartment with him. She doesn't care about the looks that they will get as a couple. Twenty years doesn't matter. She could never date someone her own age anyway. They wouldn't understand. But he does. He's understood from the start. He's everything that she needs in her life. She got lucky that he grew to agree on that circumstance. She just has to be brave enough to keep growing herself.

She can't imagine how she might be overwhelming Matt's senses right now. The thought barely crosses her mind. Maybe later she'll think about it. Make sure that it's okay for her to be close to him on a regular basis. She's started to use his unscented shampoos and body washes only recently, not wanting to disturb his daily routine any more than she already has. To her, with her average senses, he just smells like Matt, like home. She does catch the way his heart has started to beat crazily again and she doesn't doubt that he's noticed. That's okay. She wants him to notice every reaction she has to him. Because she has absolutely no doubt that his groans and breathy exhales are definitely turning her own.

Katniss can't pin point what it is exactly that ultimately breaks any walls and control she has left: his husky murmur of 'you' or the way he kisses her seconds later. She moans loudly when he bites her lip, unable to stop herself from reacting. Nails dig into his neck and she moves herself against him again. She kisses him back hard, biting and tasting and practically devouring his mouth as if the kiss is more necessary for her survival than anything else she's ever done. Maybe it is. "I'm clean," she remembers to mumble at some point during the kiss. "Have me."

[preemptiveforgiveness]

The first time Matt put on a mask and became the daredevil it was because of one person, a little girl with a father that sneaked into her bedroom at night. He used to hear her crying a few apartments over. He'd beat the man senseless and told him that if he ever touched his daughter again, he would know and he'd come back. He'd listened in for years just to make certain. After that, his vigilante stints were infrequent and personal. He'd only really begun in earnest after the mess in New York. Hell's kitchen had taken a beating and they'd needed a hero. He'd decided to become that. If she's serious about being his sidekick, he'll train her. It's something that they're going to have to talk a lot about.

Matt has thought about those looks, about what people will say and think. It's one of the reasons that he's hesitated to let things take a romantic turn until now. It's more like twelve years, but all the same they'll get more than a few looks. It's possible that this is a conversation they'll some day have, but right now it's not something that Matt is thinking about. She'll keep growing because he'll keep pushing her outside her comfort zone. He doesn't want her to change, but he does want her to grow.

She's not overwhelming them. It's the perfect amount of whelming. In sound, smell, touch and taste, he's completely enveloped in her and he likes that. It's so rare that he can focus all his senses on one thing and one person. This is exactly how he wants it. He is glad she started using his unscented stuff, but he never would have told her that. She's a girl and if she wants floral and fruity scented things she ought to have them. He's learned to block scents out for the most part when he has to, but he really likes not having to block the scent of Katniss out. He knows listening to her heart is an invasion of privacy of some sort, but right now he's not thinking about that either. She's entirely responsible for those groans and breathy exhales so it's a good thing that she likes them.

That moan of hers completely undoes him, shredding every last bit of resistance that he's got. Her nails in his skin, the way she moves against him and kisses him like it's the only important thing in the world that makes him absolutely certain this is what he wants, partially because he's absolutely certain with those reactions that she wants this as well. She's not doing it because she feels like she has to (or she's a better actress than he gave her credit for). It's a bit of a shock when she says she's clean because he hadn't even thought of that. He probably should have, but he hadn't focused on that part of her situation. He'd been too concerned with what it had done to her emotionally. "I didn't--I never even thought of that," he says when the kiss breaks. "I should probably still use a condom. I don't think either one of us are ready for a baby." Because he doesn't want her to think that he doesn't believe her. He kisses her lips again then her forehead. "Hang on tight," he says sliding his hands to the backs of her thighs. He gives her a moment to grab tightly to his neck then stands up, hoping she'll wrap her legs around his waist. He tilts his head up to kiss her again as they start toward the bedroom.

[stillplaying]

What Matt had done was still more than most people would do. New Yorkers are raised from birth to turn a blind eye to the rest of the city. Matt's different. Special. It doesn't matter that the Daredevil had started as a way to make a difference for those important to him. It hadn't stayed that way. He does more for this city than the people payed to protect it. How can anyone not know that and love him for it? She had never given much credence to the ideas of damsels in distress or knights in shining armor. Then she met Matt and it became utterly clear how easy it could be to fall for a knight in shining armor.

He really shouldn't think about those looks. If he wants, Katniss will happily tell them all to go fuck themselves. They don't know her, or him for that matter. They don't know what she's been through. There are too many other there that would judge Katniss for doing what she had to in order to survive. It's why she hasn't let anyone but Matt in, why she's still skeptical about his friends and the Father. She has no time to let others judge her. That, at least, will never change.

She is a girl but even before the Games, she never had the time for those floral scents other girls her age seemed to favor. Katniss had been too busy to keep her family fed and sheltered to care about makeup or perfume or nicely scented soaps. She had only purchased the floral scents because they were cheaper and Katniss was determined not to have Matt pay for everything. But he doesn't seem to care as much as she thought he might. And she likes the idea that he enjoys her natural scent. She wishes that he could see her properly. He can't. She won't be angry if he uses all his other senses to observe everything else about her. He can invade her privacy all he wants; Katniss meant it when she said he could have her. He can have her in any way he wants.

Was that all it took? A simple moan, an uncontrolled response to his kiss and words? Katniss hadn't realized it would be that simple. All she had to do was lose control herself. And it had been easy. It had been oh, so easy. She never thought it would be. She always stayed in strict control of herself when pleasuring her client, even if the client wante to be the one in control. All the noises, all her kisses and caresses were well thought out. She'd try her damnedest to leave as little as possible to any other circumstance. But Matt had taken that control away completely. More than that, Katniss had been happy to give it to him.

She laughs as he explains his response. He didn't need to explain his preference towards a condom. Katniss has no desire for a child, either. Not right now. Matt could have walked away from her at any point in the night. He probably should have walked away when she admitted to the prostitution. But he hadn't. He trusts her to be something more than she thinks herself capable of being. Hasn't he realized any of that?

"I love you," she says again. Laughter and sex have never gone together before. Is this what he meant by having her enjoy herself, too? Matt is strong but even if he wasn't, Katniss is certain she's as light as a feather right now. She's so happy, so aroused, and so alive that she's certain she could float away on a cloud. Her legs wrap around his waist without hesitation. She angles one heel to rub against his ass as he walks towards the bedroom. Keeping one arm securely wrapped around his neck, Katniss slips her hand underneath his tee. Kissing him just isn't enough. Waiting until they're both on the bed won't do.