At least she had about twelve years of normality. They might have been
poor but wasn't half of New York anyway? While her father had been alive,
she had gotten to go to school. Sure she had to babysit her sister more
often than not as soon as she was old enough to be responsible for them
both but that hadn't ever bothered her. And she hadn't had many friends
(mostly because she wasn't all that good at making them to begin with) but
she had a couple. It had been a good life with a loving family. Very
different than the life Matt had his whole life. But that good part of her
life has felt much more like a dream for the past however many years.
Anyway, she had been the one to leave them in the end. It's not something
she intends on doing again. She needs his friendship, too. And his love.
It's something that she's at least working on. Keeping the past in the past
and not letting the Games define who she is anymore. She doesn't want to
be that girl. She never wants to be that girl again. Katniss knows that
it's naïve to think that she might be the girl she would have been if her
father hadn't died. Having that life is impossible. But she wants to be
someone. Someone that she thinks is worthy of Matt, regardless of
whether he already thinks so. She wants to be a girl who doesn't have to
play games but that might never be a reality.
She is letting her imagination run wild. Katniss just can't help it. For
the first time, she's with someone that she doesn't want to leave. In her
mind, it only makes the most sense if he does leave her.
But she can at least acknowledge that she is being ridiculous when he wraps
his arms around her in return. A man planning to leave her wouldn't do
that. At least she hopes not. Katniss swallows hard at his words and
buries her head against his chest. She can hear his heartbeat clearly like
this. It's a soothing sound, almost like a lullaby. "So do you, Matt,"
she replies. Katniss sniffs a little as the tears start to subside. Then,
as a side thought, she adds in, "I'll still be here in the morning."
no subject
At least she had about twelve years of normality. They might have been poor but wasn't half of New York anyway? While her father had been alive, she had gotten to go to school. Sure she had to babysit her sister more often than not as soon as she was old enough to be responsible for them both but that hadn't ever bothered her. And she hadn't had many friends (mostly because she wasn't all that good at making them to begin with) but she had a couple. It had been a good life with a loving family. Very different than the life Matt had his whole life. But that good part of her life has felt much more like a dream for the past however many years. Anyway, she had been the one to leave them in the end. It's not something she intends on doing again. She needs his friendship, too. And his love.
It's something that she's at least working on. Keeping the past in the past and not letting the Games define who she is anymore. She doesn't want to be that girl. She never wants to be that girl again. Katniss knows that it's naïve to think that she might be the girl she would have been if her father hadn't died. Having that life is impossible. But she wants to be someone. Someone that she thinks is worthy of Matt, regardless of whether he already thinks so. She wants to be a girl who doesn't have to play games but that might never be a reality.
She is letting her imagination run wild. Katniss just can't help it. For the first time, she's with someone that she doesn't want to leave. In her mind, it only makes the most sense if he does leave her.
But she can at least acknowledge that she is being ridiculous when he wraps his arms around her in return. A man planning to leave her wouldn't do that. At least she hopes not. Katniss swallows hard at his words and buries her head against his chest. She can hear his heartbeat clearly like this. It's a soothing sound, almost like a lullaby. "So do you, Matt," she replies. Katniss sniffs a little as the tears start to subside. Then, as a side thought, she adds in, "I'll still be here in the morning."