If he did change, at least Katniss wouldn't have a reason to love him
anymore. He wouldn't be that man that she had fallen in love with, the one
who had saved her from such a crappy life. Unless she changed, too.
Katniss had come close. She had become bitter and numb to the cruelties in
the world. There had been no point to fight against the people that had
held her captive. There would always be someone else to take their place.
A new abuser of the system and the people within it. So she had added to
the cruelty and suffering in the world. What other choice had there been?
Katniss understands that there is a choice now. That despite her previous
misconceptions, there were good people that cared about the common man.
She never wants to disappoint the man that had rescued her. She likes who
she is now a lot better than who she used to be.
Katniss has no idea if Prim would understand. Mostly, she thinks that her
sister would be in shock to see Katniss with any man, closer to her age or
not. And, she hopes, happy for her. Pleased that for once, Katniss is
doing something for herself. Being selfish enough with love to find
someone else, someone aside from Prim, to live for. If not for her sister,
she would have found reason to stop living long ago. At least she has Matt
now.
Somehow, at some point in the night, Matt's instilled this need in her that
outweighs any other need. He's become more necessary than food or water or
even breathing. Without him, survival might as well be futile. What would
be the point, now that she knows what it's like to be tangled up with his
body? The taste and smell and feel of him surrounding her? His words, his
gasps and groans - all the noises his make and their bodies make when they
come in contact with each other - are like music to her. This is
what sex ought to be like. Matt was right all along. It shouldn't be some
sort of obligation, a way to earn more money from the people that would
already use her in the arena. It should be all-consuming. This.
A complete and utter loss of control. She's never abandoned her thoughts
like this before. Instead, there's always been that small corner of her
head that she'd retreat true when with a patron. She'd act as they
expected, service them like they expected, but she'd never give herself
over like this. There's nothing in this world beyond Matt. Beyond making
him groan and squirm and make him lose all control as well. And it seems
to work. Before she even fully realizes that his sweatpants are finally
gone, he's inside of her with one hard thrust and she nearly comes all over
again. And suddenly that's all that matters. Being filled by him. Having
Matt as deep inside of her as physically possible. What else is there to
being alive than this? Than hearing him gasp her name so reverently?
"Matt," she whispers lovingly, placing her hands on his cheeks and bringing
his head down for another kiss. For a few seconds, she lets the kiss be
tender and loving. As soon as she moves her hips though, and another
ripple of desire and pleasure radiates through her body, she gives back
into that passion. Moaning, she crushes her lips hard against his and
thrusts her tongue into his mouth to tease him into hers.
no subject
If he did change, at least Katniss wouldn't have a reason to love him anymore. He wouldn't be that man that she had fallen in love with, the one who had saved her from such a crappy life. Unless she changed, too. Katniss had come close. She had become bitter and numb to the cruelties in the world. There had been no point to fight against the people that had held her captive. There would always be someone else to take their place. A new abuser of the system and the people within it. So she had added to the cruelty and suffering in the world. What other choice had there been? Katniss understands that there is a choice now. That despite her previous misconceptions, there were good people that cared about the common man. She never wants to disappoint the man that had rescued her. She likes who she is now a lot better than who she used to be.
Katniss has no idea if Prim would understand. Mostly, she thinks that her sister would be in shock to see Katniss with any man, closer to her age or not. And, she hopes, happy for her. Pleased that for once, Katniss is doing something for herself. Being selfish enough with love to find someone else, someone aside from Prim, to live for. If not for her sister, she would have found reason to stop living long ago. At least she has Matt now.
Somehow, at some point in the night, Matt's instilled this need in her that outweighs any other need. He's become more necessary than food or water or even breathing. Without him, survival might as well be futile. What would be the point, now that she knows what it's like to be tangled up with his body? The taste and smell and feel of him surrounding her? His words, his gasps and groans - all the noises his make and their bodies make when they come in contact with each other - are like music to her. This is what sex ought to be like. Matt was right all along. It shouldn't be some sort of obligation, a way to earn more money from the people that would already use her in the arena. It should be all-consuming. This.
A complete and utter loss of control. She's never abandoned her thoughts like this before. Instead, there's always been that small corner of her head that she'd retreat true when with a patron. She'd act as they expected, service them like they expected, but she'd never give herself over like this. There's nothing in this world beyond Matt. Beyond making him groan and squirm and make him lose all control as well. And it seems to work. Before she even fully realizes that his sweatpants are finally gone, he's inside of her with one hard thrust and she nearly comes all over again. And suddenly that's all that matters. Being filled by him. Having Matt as deep inside of her as physically possible. What else is there to being alive than this? Than hearing him gasp her name so reverently?
"Matt," she whispers lovingly, placing her hands on his cheeks and bringing his head down for another kiss. For a few seconds, she lets the kiss be tender and loving. As soon as she moves her hips though, and another ripple of desire and pleasure radiates through her body, she gives back into that passion. Moaning, she crushes her lips hard against his and thrusts her tongue into his mouth to tease him into hers.