She does wonder. She can't help it. She wonders what good is left within her. It's not that she likes killing but then again, she never put up the same resistance to the fights as other children. She always hated killing those children but she did so anyway. For survival and for money, Katniss did whatever she was told. What about that is admirable? Maybe her attitude about a life with Matt is right. She's not sure of everything else.
She's not even sure of a future where she will be that girl Matt wants her to be, though she likes to imagine it. She'd like to be that girl. Someday, she'd like to be confident in herself and accepting of her past. She'd like to just be happy and in love and a normal girl, one that won't think twice about a happy - and relatively healthy - relationship.
Learning to accept her feelings is, in some ways, a first step. Admitting to Matt that she loves him, being with a man that loves her - they're all good first steps. Katniss is on the way to healing without even realizing what it is she's doing. Acting on instinct instead, both those ingrained and those learned over the past two years, has helped to distract the part of her that thinks it might be better to still be numb.
Katniss normally doesn't think much about the scars but when she does, she tends to find them ugly. But Matt makes her feel beautiful even with the scars. She continues to sigh and squirm as he teases her, gasping when he finds her nipples. Maybe he isn't as considerate as she had thought; he really is a horrible tease. By the time Matt's done with her, Katniss suspect she'll have some idea as to what Matt's sense of touch is like. Every nerve will be on fire.
"I want you, too," she whispers, lifting her hips once his hands move southward. She cranes her head, tilting her face to the side in so Matt can have fully access to her neck. He's a tease yes but she also can't remember the last time anyone paid this much attention to her. She should pay more attention to him, to what his body wants, but this all feels too good. Her fingers thread through his hair and nails dig into his scalp. "I've never wanted anyone before."
no subject
She's not even sure of a future where she will be that girl Matt wants her to be, though she likes to imagine it. She'd like to be that girl. Someday, she'd like to be confident in herself and accepting of her past. She'd like to just be happy and in love and a normal girl, one that won't think twice about a happy - and relatively healthy - relationship.
Learning to accept her feelings is, in some ways, a first step. Admitting to Matt that she loves him, being with a man that loves her - they're all good first steps. Katniss is on the way to healing without even realizing what it is she's doing. Acting on instinct instead, both those ingrained and those learned over the past two years, has helped to distract the part of her that thinks it might be better to still be numb.
Katniss normally doesn't think much about the scars but when she does, she tends to find them ugly. But Matt makes her feel beautiful even with the scars. She continues to sigh and squirm as he teases her, gasping when he finds her nipples. Maybe he isn't as considerate as she had thought; he really is a horrible tease. By the time Matt's done with her, Katniss suspect she'll have some idea as to what Matt's sense of touch is like. Every nerve will be on fire.
"I want you, too," she whispers, lifting her hips once his hands move southward. She cranes her head, tilting her face to the side in so Matt can have fully access to her neck. He's a tease yes but she also can't remember the last time anyone paid this much attention to her. She should pay more attention to him, to what his body wants, but this all feels too good. Her fingers thread through his hair and nails dig into his scalp. "I've never wanted anyone before."