She'll realize that later. When all of her emotions aren't bubbling at the surface and threatening to make her explode. The only people that she's ever known to love her in her life have been her parents and sister. It's hard to think anyone else might actually love her, especially given who Katniss has become. There's nothing about her worth loving now and yet? This has to be a dream or a mistake or something like that. There have been too many good things in her life lately. How can she possibly deserve any more?
But somehow, he's giving her more. It's slowly (very slowly) starting to sink in. This isn't a mistake. He wants her. He wants her in his life on a permanent basis. Not a one-night stand, not every few months when the desire hits him. It should relieve her but it just makes her more frustrated. She still doesn't understand. Before tonight, everything had been black and white between them. Relatively simple. It's far from that now.
Especially when he speaks. This time the tears do fall. When was the last time she's felt safe and loved? She's not sure. Sex had never been about that. It had been all about the orgasm and the money she could get for that service. She'd go to bed hating herself, not feeling warm, safe, and loved. And while the people she serviced would go to bed smug and satisfied, she knew that she meant absolutely nothing to them. He's laying everything bare right now, putting all his cards on the table, and though it hurts to hear someone care for her this much, it's because she didn't think it was possible.
She looks down at her wrists still being held tight in his hands. Her eyes linger on the bulge obvious within his sweatpants. Then she looks up at him, studying the expression on his face. His eyes might not focus on her but the sincerity is clear within his features anyway. He's not just saying this. He has no reason to; she had made it very clear that she'd give him whatever he wanted tonight. Katniss leans in then to press a kiss on the corner of his mouth. She's going to mess this up, always acting before thinking, but right now she doesn't care. Feeling loved is a heady feeling. The best aphrodisiac she's ever experienced. "I love you," she murmurs, kissing him more deeply this time. Though her kisses are still every bit seductive as they had been before, there's also something more joyous about them. A little more innocent and happy. "I love you, Matt."
no subject
But somehow, he's giving her more. It's slowly (very slowly) starting to sink in. This isn't a mistake. He wants her. He wants her in his life on a permanent basis. Not a one-night stand, not every few months when the desire hits him. It should relieve her but it just makes her more frustrated. She still doesn't understand. Before tonight, everything had been black and white between them. Relatively simple. It's far from that now.
Especially when he speaks. This time the tears do fall. When was the last time she's felt safe and loved? She's not sure. Sex had never been about that. It had been all about the orgasm and the money she could get for that service. She'd go to bed hating herself, not feeling warm, safe, and loved. And while the people she serviced would go to bed smug and satisfied, she knew that she meant absolutely nothing to them. He's laying everything bare right now, putting all his cards on the table, and though it hurts to hear someone care for her this much, it's because she didn't think it was possible.
She looks down at her wrists still being held tight in his hands. Her eyes linger on the bulge obvious within his sweatpants. Then she looks up at him, studying the expression on his face. His eyes might not focus on her but the sincerity is clear within his features anyway. He's not just saying this. He has no reason to; she had made it very clear that she'd give him whatever he wanted tonight. Katniss leans in then to press a kiss on the corner of his mouth. She's going to mess this up, always acting before thinking, but right now she doesn't care. Feeling loved is a heady feeling. The best aphrodisiac she's ever experienced. "I love you," she murmurs, kissing him more deeply this time. Though her kisses are still every bit seductive as they had been before, there's also something more joyous about them. A little more innocent and happy. "I love you, Matt."