Matt is proof of that. He's her own personal miracle, not that she'll ever tell him that. He had come to rescue her and the other children trapped in the Games because it was the right thing to do. Though she's wanted to repay him again and again, Matt's never asked for anything in return. None of them would have ever been able to save themselves. She tried once, after her first kill. When she thought that she still might be able to have a normal life. Her actions had nearly killed her. But he had succeeded where she (or anyone else) couldn't.
She'll never get that innocence back. But that innocence has been gone for so long that she doesn't really miss it. Katniss trusts him already. She trusts him more than she's ever trusted anyone except for Prim. Maybe she trusts him more than she trusts her sister. It's a weird thought.
Katniss had always taken the relative freedom she had for granted up until she found herself in the arena. But now that she's free again, she almost misses the control others had over her. It was almost easy to be told what to do, how to live. There's so much opportunity now. So much potential. What if she makes the wrong choice again?
As soon as the heat and the hunger die down, as soon as she's thinking straight again, she'll be hating herself for what she's revealed. Because she's certain that he'll despise her for that part of her past, too. Bad enough that he knows about all the murders that she's committed. At least people had forced her to kill. Everything else she had done had been hinted at or heavily suggested but in the end, she had been the one to cross those lines. It turns out it's not that hard when you stop thinking or caring.
Which is exactly what she's trying to do now. Katniss doesn't want to think, just act. She doesn't want to care about what Matt might think once the moment passes. She frowns when his hands grab her wrists and still her actions. Her frown deepens when he doesn't tell her to use her mouth instead. Instead it's more encouragement to slow down. To stop? "I just want to make you feel good."
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She'll never get that innocence back. But that innocence has been gone for so long that she doesn't really miss it. Katniss trusts him already. She trusts him more than she's ever trusted anyone except for Prim. Maybe she trusts him more than she trusts her sister. It's a weird thought.
Katniss had always taken the relative freedom she had for granted up until she found herself in the arena. But now that she's free again, she almost misses the control others had over her. It was almost easy to be told what to do, how to live. There's so much opportunity now. So much potential. What if she makes the wrong choice again?
As soon as the heat and the hunger die down, as soon as she's thinking straight again, she'll be hating herself for what she's revealed. Because she's certain that he'll despise her for that part of her past, too. Bad enough that he knows about all the murders that she's committed. At least people had forced her to kill. Everything else she had done had been hinted at or heavily suggested but in the end, she had been the one to cross those lines. It turns out it's not that hard when you stop thinking or caring.
Which is exactly what she's trying to do now. Katniss doesn't want to think, just act. She doesn't want to care about what Matt might think once the moment passes. She frowns when his hands grab her wrists and still her actions. Her frown deepens when he doesn't tell her to use her mouth instead. Instead it's more encouragement to slow down. To stop? "I just want to make you feel good."