Where would she even begin talking? It had been hard enough admitting to him how she had gotten involved with the Games to begin with. She doesn't like admitting weakness; a trait that has helped her survive the past few years. But in order to keep him from turning her in, Katniss had to admit how she had gotten involved to begin with. She hadn't wanted to kill. Her sixteen year old self had just been dumb enough to think that Hell's Kitchen was looking warehouse staff. She should have been suspicious when they mentioned on-site housing. Even more suspicious when she was taken to the Games' doctor. But all she had been focused on was the money. For the most part, her employers had kept their words on that.
He's better off not knowing the rest of the details. How sick she had been after making her first kill. That moment she realized that she had become numb to death. Or being told that she could make extra by selling herself to patrons after big wins and actually agreeing to those conditions. Living with the nightmares, living with the memories, isn't easy. Sometimes she wonders if it's worth learning to live with these thoughts. It's why Katniss only tells Matt the good parts of her life. The things that she wants to remember.
Besides, Matt's given her so much already. More than he ever had to. He risked his secret identity with her. Katniss still doesn't understand why. People don't take chances on screw-ups like her. But Matt did. To ask him for more than what he's given would be wrong. She might have only been sixteen but she had been old enough to make her own decisions and live with the consequences. He doesn't need to see to her education. He doesn't need to act as her pro bono lawyer. Katniss already feels guilty enough about the jobs he finds her. She won't owe him any more than she already does.
How can he continue to think so highly of her? Most people wouldn't understand the life that she's lived. He comes close given his experiences as an orphan. But even then, there has to be a line drawn somewhere. She's half his age. She's made choices worse than nay Matt's ever decided upon. He shouldn't want her to succeed. He shouldn't want her at all. Katniss doesn't question his lack of dates, not when he's so busy with his law practice and alternative career. But she'd never suspect that it's because of her.
"I remember," she says with a frown, flattening her palm against his chest. His shirt feels warm and soft underneath her hand and it makes her want to rest her head against his chest instead of her hand. She resists, maintaining the distance between them on the couch. "Then you should get a partner. There are other people with abilities out there."
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He's better off not knowing the rest of the details. How sick she had been after making her first kill. That moment she realized that she had become numb to death. Or being told that she could make extra by selling herself to patrons after big wins and actually agreeing to those conditions. Living with the nightmares, living with the memories, isn't easy. Sometimes she wonders if it's worth learning to live with these thoughts. It's why Katniss only tells Matt the good parts of her life. The things that she wants to remember.
Besides, Matt's given her so much already. More than he ever had to. He risked his secret identity with her. Katniss still doesn't understand why. People don't take chances on screw-ups like her. But Matt did. To ask him for more than what he's given would be wrong. She might have only been sixteen but she had been old enough to make her own decisions and live with the consequences. He doesn't need to see to her education. He doesn't need to act as her pro bono lawyer. Katniss already feels guilty enough about the jobs he finds her. She won't owe him any more than she already does.
How can he continue to think so highly of her? Most people wouldn't understand the life that she's lived. He comes close given his experiences as an orphan. But even then, there has to be a line drawn somewhere. She's half his age. She's made choices worse than nay Matt's ever decided upon. He shouldn't want her to succeed. He shouldn't want her at all. Katniss doesn't question his lack of dates, not when he's so busy with his law practice and alternative career. But she'd never suspect that it's because of her.
"I remember," she says with a frown, flattening her palm against his chest. His shirt feels warm and soft underneath her hand and it makes her want to rest her head against his chest instead of her hand. She resists, maintaining the distance between them on the couch. "Then you should get a partner. There are other people with abilities out there."