preemptiveforgiveness: (What?)
Matt Murdock ([personal profile] preemptiveforgiveness) wrote in [personal profile] hominidae 2016-03-06 07:43 pm (UTC)

Hopefully one day, she'll choose to tell him for the first reason and not the second. Unfortunately, because Matt is accustomed to people leaving him (orphan and all) it's easy for him to believe that she would leave because his life is too complicated. Even without the vigilante thing there's the blindness and the fact that he's a lawyer who does more pro-bono cases than he does paid cases. He makes enough, but he's never going to be rich. The only reason he can afford an apartment this spacious is because of that stupid digital billboard that sits right outside the window and lights the place up like it's near daylight in the middle of the night.

He really doesn't need a thanks, but he doesn't mind her treating his wounds and keeping the place clean. Of course, at some point he's going to worry that she only does those things because she feels like she has to. There have been enough things in Katniss' life that she's felt like she had to do. He doesn't want to add to that. If he'd been like those other men, he wouldn't be the person he is and she wouldn't care about him. She'd resent him instead. He doesn't want that either.

Probably best. Sometimes, he is bright about things like that.

Maybe one of these days she'll be comfortable enough with who she's become that she won't need to seek vengeance, at least not vengeance that results in death. He thinks going to church would be good for Katniss, confessing to his priest and that sort of thing, but he's certainly not going to push her to do that. She's always welcome when he goes to confession or mass.

Matt never, ever wants to have that sort of sex with her or anyone. That's not sex so much as it is manipulation, torture, a system of trade, blackmail and abuse. If when they have sex, it won't be straight forward at all, even if sex is a guarantee. The fact that it calms her is good. He can hear the way her heart slows a little, feel the way she relaxes and calms a bit. It emboldens him a little and allows him to entertain thoughts like maybe it wouldn't be taking advantage of her to kiss her. Of course, he automatically feels guilty about that, but he's Catholic. Guilt is almost a comforting feeling. All of his clothes are ridiculous soft because of the supersensitive skin thing.

Her words bring an immediate reaction. He tenses and shakes his head, sitting up abruptly. "No. Katniss. You're wrong," he turns, tucking one leg up on the couch, he reaches across the space to grab her arms with both hands. His touch is gentle. He scoots a little closer then tucks one hand up under her chin, tilting her face up to look at his. The only real space between them is his leg folded up on the couch. He can't see her, but he can sense her heartrate, her emotions, the heat of her skin and she can see the expression on his face. "Katniss, you are not replaceable to me. Not ever. Do you understand?" His voice carries all the passion and emotion he feels: love and admiration, a little bit of desperation. He needs her to hear him and believe him.

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