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Katniss Everdeen (
2016-03-05 04:43 am (UTC)
In the months since Katniss has moved in, she's learned a lot about the boy that Matt had once been and the man that he's since become. She knows that he had been in the very foster system that she's done her best to avoid. Sometimes, he makes her think that maybe she's made a mistake by keeping herself and Prim out of that system. Matt Murdock grew up to be a good guy. Successful. Everything that she wants for Prim. But Katniss? What can Katniss can say about her own future? That it's not much? That she's already ruined it?
For some reason she doesn't understand, Matt doesn't see it that way. He sees a potential in her that she doesn't see in herself. She can't help but almost love him for that. She shouldn't though. Unrequited love feels horrible. Not that she's ever had much experience with it before. A lot of the way she feels towards Matt is new to her. She's never wanted before, not like this. She still doesn't know what to make of it most of the time.
Some days it's easier. Nights, really. When her eyes are closed and she's trying to fall back to sleep after a nightmare and she pretends for a few seconds that her life hadn't been what it was. Instead, Katniss tries to imagine that her relationship with Matt had been completely normal. That they met in another way. She can only imagine how good it would feel having sex with a man she actually wants. How nice that might be. But that's not reality. Instead, she remains Matt's friend. He's offered her his home and Katniss makes up for it by being as helpful as she can. It's easy, really; she's been the head of a household for the past seven years of her life.
Despite all of this, he still thinks that she's young and inexperienced. She might be young, yes, but she feels so much older. Katniss has lived through more than most girls her age. It might as well be lifetimes in some respects. How he can consider her inexperienced is beyond her. How he still sees any good in her puzzles her.
But he does and she's still here because of it. Even though she shouldn't, once he sits, she reaches across that foot of space to lightly touch the cut on his cheek. Katniss looks down at her fingers and grimly smiles when they come away relatively clean of blood.
"Not as eventful," she finally says, still looking at her fingers rather than meeting his eyes. "I'm still in one piece."
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